


Piece of Me

by waywardriot



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Some angst, basically some boys have a hard time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-27 11:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16701757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardriot/pseuds/waywardriot
Summary: Who would've known that making out with that random hot guy at a party would lead to grappling with your emotional baggage?Rewrite of another previously posted fic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is pretty much a complete rewrite of another fic i posted before. i was just very much not happy with the story and the characterization, so i redid it (adding and deleting a TON of content), and i like it a lot more now. i pretty much have all of it done, so i'll add the other chapters over the next few days!

Ventus hates parties. He really doesn’t know why he let his best friend, Terra, convince him to go, but here he was, surrounded by tons of drunk college students who had apparently forgotten what a normal noise level was. He far preferred intimate gatherings with his close friends—eating pizza and screaming over UNO is a lot more fun than avoiding getting vomited on by a handsy girl any day.

Ventus was grumpily sitting on the couch, nursing some kind of vile alcohol. Terra had pushed it into his hand, insisting that ‘it would calm him down,’ but all that had happened so far was he felt annoyed and nauseous. He was somewhat enjoying watching people absolutely embarrass themselves while drunk, like how some dude had bashed his head into the wall and knocked himself out while trying to impress some girls by dancing extremely badly.

Ventus was beginning to think about heading out, starting to get overstimulated and worried he would have a panic attack (shit, did he take his medication that day), when someone flopped down next to him on the couch, arm immediately going across his shoulders. Ventus looked over and was immediately interested, meeting piercing gold eyes and dark hair that was obviously deliberately messed up. He had some facial piercings and visible tattoos on his biceps and yes, this is absolutely what Ventus was about. If he didn’t already know he was gay, this man would’ve absolutely given him a sexuality crisis.

“You look absolutely miserable,” the man snorted. 

“Thanks,” Ventus sighed, “I’m absolutely having the time of my life.”

“Aren’t we all?” he laughed in response. “I’m Vanitas.”

“I’m Ventus, but you can call me Ven,” Ventus replied, noting how nice a name _Vanitas_ was; it felt like it would drop off your lips perfectly, full and dark.

Vanitas hummed, carding his hand through Ventus’s hair, who mentally thanked god for having actually taken a shower before coming here. “Ventus, huh? That’s a name as pretty as you,” Vanitas smirked, mirroring Ventus’s own thoughts about his name.

Ventus shivered just a little from the cold hand on his scalp—he took a mental note of how shockingly cold Vanitas’s hands were. “Are you going to college around here? I haven’t seen you on campus before.”

Vanitas waved a hand noncommittally. “Yeah, I’ve been going to school on and off. I never really go to functions, I’m just here because this is my cousin’s place and he whined at me until I came. Not really my scene.”

“Me neither,” Ventus said, wrinkling his nose. “It seems like it’s mostly straight dudes embarrassing themselves and making a mess out of everything.”

Vanitas barked out a laugh. “That’s what straight men do their whole lives, and adding alcohol to the mix just makes it even more of a spectacle.”

Ventus felt a pleasant burning in his chest, noting that Vanitas deliberately spoke as if he was separate from straight men, so he wasn’t reading the signals wrong. “I—I need some air. Do you want to…?” he stuttered, motioning to the front door. Vanitas gave him a knowing grin and got up, extending a hand to him.

Vanitas was able to deftly navigate through the crowd, keeping hold on Ventus’s hand so he wouldn’t get lost among the laughing and dancing. As soon as they slipped outside, Ventus leaned against the wall, rubbing a thumb on the back of Vanitas’s hand.

“You’re such a cute little thing, you know?” Vanitas murmured, leaning in to whisper into Ventus’s ear. Ven shivered, feeling the warm breath ghosting across his ear. “I knew I just had to have you as soon as I saw you.”

“Then why don’t you have me?” Ventus whispered coyly, winding his hand in the front of Vanitas’s shirt and drawing him in closer.

With that, Vanitas finally drew in, letting his lips meet Ventus’s. Vanitas’s were much softer than he expected, slightly chapped, and his breath had just a tinge of alcohol. Ventus hummed against his lips and Vanitas wound his hand through the soft hair on the back of Ventus’s neck, adjusting to slot his lips together against his more nicely. Ventus sagged slightly against the wall, letting Vanitas lean his forearm next to him as if pinning him in. He knew they were in public and he _should_ be embarrassed but he felt impossibly safe and warm surrounded by Vanitas and he was maybe just a little tipsy, so fuck it.

Ventus was eager for more, so he poked his tongue at Vanitas’s lips, and he immediately complied, opening his mouth and meeting Ventus’s tongue with his own. Now, Ventus wasn’t always a fan of making out, but this made his toes curl, feeling Vanitas’s mouth hot and heavy against his own. He whimpered a bit against his mouth and drew a hand under Vanitas’s shirt, who simply chuckled. Ventus loved his confidence and the way he was leading, knowing he was hot shit and that he was wanted.

What he wanted right now though was _Ventus,_ and it formed a warm coil in his gut when Vanitas put a hand at the small of his back and pulled him closer, leaning into him and crowding him further against the wall. They couldn’t take their hands off each other, exploring their skin as they mapped each other’s mouth out. It was getting hot and heavy, and Ventus was about to ask him to go inside—

“Woah!” came from Terra, who had just opened the door and came staring face to face at them. “I, uh, I was going to ask if you were ready to go, Ven, but I guess not, so I’ll… uh…” he stumbled, averting his eyes.

Ventus untangled his mouth from Vanitas and leaned his head against the wall with an audible thump. “We can go if you want to. Just give me a few minutes, I’ll come find you,” he sighed, and Terra nodded enthusiastically before slipping inside as quickly as possible.

Vanitas rubbed his thumb on Ventus’s cheek. “Cinderella has to go home before her carriage turns into a pumpkin, huh?”

Ventus sighed again. “Sorry, he has an exam tomorrow morning, and he drove me here. Can I… find you some other time?”

“You can do whatever you want,” Vanitas said, drawing back to slide his phone out of his pocket, fiddling with it and presenting a contact screen to Ventus, who quickly put his information in. Vanitas drew him in for another long kiss, feeling the want pressing behind it, but Vanitas soon drew back. “Go find your friend,” he murmured, and Ventus gave his hand one last squeeze before going back inside, feeling impossibly lucky and unlucky at the same time.

* * *

“So… you know Vanitas well?” Terra laughed, hands fiddling with the steering wheel as he drove back to the dorms.

“His mouth better than anything,” Ventus sighed. “We just met there.”

“He’s. Hm,” Terra said, stopping and thinking. “Be careful is my only advice. He sure is something, that’s all I have to say,” he chuckled.

Ventus internally bristled a little bit, hating how his friends treated him like a child who couldn’t protect himself. He kept himself calm, though, not wanting to argue after having such a good night. “Okay. I will.”

* * *

Ventus trudged through the door, dropping his bag on the floor and falling face-first into bed; he’d had one hell of a day, dealing with classes and uptight professors and forgotten assignments triggering his anxiety, and he just wanted to sleep for ages. 

Not to mention, a certain black-haired man had not yet texted him—Ventus was really regretting not getting Vanitas’s number in return. He lifted his head up to check his phone once again, groaning and thumping it back down upon seeing his empty inbox. The party had been on Thursday and it was already Tuesday with no dice. Maybe Vanitas was just being nice and humoring him when he really didn’t care beyond one fun night, which he should have figured. Just another asshole in a whole streak of them.

Ventus laid there for who knows how long, nearly falling asleep, but he immediately jerked awake when his phone buzzed, fumbling with it to see who if it was the man plaguing his thoughts. Disappointingly, it was just his friend, Aqua, asking if he wanted to grab some dinner with her and Terra; he didn’t really feel like moving right now, but he sent off a confirmation text, hoping some time with his best friends would help him cheer up at least a little. He would just have to pretend to be happy so that Aqua wouldn’t interrogate him, as she acted a lot like a mother at times. He appreciated the comfort and knowing someone cared, but it got tiring. No matter how innocent he looks, he’s still an adult too.

* * *

Ventus walked into the cafeteria, searching for his friends, although secretly hoping he would see Vanitas. No luck, however, so he selected something to eat and made his way over to sit with his friends. He slumped into the chair, obviously tired and grumpy.

“What’s wrong, Ven?” Aqua asked, immediately taking notice of how listless he was. 

Ventus internally cursed himself—so much for pretending to be okay. “I dunno,” he shrugged and replied, taking a bite of his food and chewing morosely.

Terra spoke up, adding in, “Yeah, you’ve been looking down for a few days. Did something happen?”

Ventus squirmed, not exactly wanting to explain. He felt like a dumb teenager pining over a crush (well, okay, he was only 19 so still technically a teenager, but this felt so childish) and didn’t really want to get into this with his best friends who are real actual adults (21, lucky) and also dating. “I just… had a bad day,” he mumbled, voice lowering more, “and there’s the guy from the party…”

Aqua immediately perked up. “A guy? Is he nice? Is he cute? What’s his name?” She was excited at the prospect of her friend finding someone, given that he tended to mope about being single quite often. She loved him with her whole heart, but she hated to see him lonely and pathetic, although she would never say that he was to his face.

“Did Terra not tell you?” Ventus asked, genuinely curious since Terra and Aqua usually shared everything. “His name’s Vanitas.”

Aqua’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she turned to glare at Terra, who promptly began choking on his food. Ventus guessed he had a reason for not telling her. She thumped him on the back firmly before continuing, “Vanitas? Are you serious? Black hair, gold eyes, looks like a bitch?”

“You don’t like him?” Ventus sighed, preparing himself for what was to come; he had already figured this would happen, since Terra had warned him, and Aqua was far more prone to holding grudges than him. He didn’t know how bad Vanitas really was, but based on the way Aqua liked to coddle him, he figured it couldn’t be anything too horrendously awful.

“Oh, nuh uh. He’s bad news, Ven, I’m just gonna recommend you stay away. He’s not a nice dude,” she said, grimacing.

“Well, it’s a bit too late to take back what happened…” Ventus mumbled into his drink, obviously not expecting Aqua to hear.

“Ven—Wait. Oh, no, what did you do?! Ventus, look at me!” Aqua chastised, mentally cursing her friend’s awful taste in men.

Terra finally spoke up. “They were getting _really_ friendly. Like, I’m glued to you and trying to find out what your tonsils taste like friendly. I found them outside before anything else happened, but, you know…” 

Aqua gave Ventus a scathing look, and he sheepishly looked up at her and smiled, trying to rely on his innocent look to get him out of this. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, but, what did he do? Why are you so sad? If he hurt you, I’ll kill him, I sw—”

“Aqua, it’s okay,” Ventus laughed. “He just hasn’t texted me even though I gave him my number. I figure that’s that, so it’s whatever, y’know. I should’ve expected it.”

Aqua was secretly pleased, but she still frowned. She didn’t like to see Ventus sad because it really wasn’t natural for him. It was like seeing flowers droop or puppies whine. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder to console him, but before she could, Ventus’s phone vibrated. He tried to get it out of his pocket so fast he nearly dropped it.

“Guys… He texted me!” Ventus exclaimed with a smile so bright that Aqua could do nothing but groan and drop her head on the table. Vanitas was going to be the death of all of them, it seemed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for some gay shenanigans and a slight bit of angst. also think about the parallels between vanitas and stitch... it's very good

Ventus finished eating with his friends and scrambled off as soon as possible, not wanting to get into a conversation with Vanitas while still with them. He made it into his room and frantically pulled off his shoes before jumping into bed and shooting off a reply.

* * *

Vanitas: Hey

Ventus: Hey! How are you?

Vanitas: Good  
Vanitas: How are you

Ventus: I’m okay. Tired from school.

Vanitas: Same

Ventus: You were more exciting to talk to in real life. :P

Vanitas: It comes with being hot  
Vanitas: We should see each other again sometime

Ventus: Yeah! Coffee? I’m free tomorrow afternoon.

Vanitas: Tomorrow at 4?

Ventus: Sounds good! :)

* * *

Sealing up the details with Vanitas, Ventus groaned, annoyed with himself. God, he sounded stupid, hadn’t he? He deliberated over literally every text message, not wanting to mess this up. He would never know, of course, but Vanitas was having the same thoughts and deliberations, agonizing over his inability to text and hoping he didn’t make Ventus think he was disinterested.

* * *

Ventus took a seat in the coffee shop and tried to distract himself with his phone. Vanitas hadn’t really texted him since they’d arranged to meet, so he was really excited to talk to him again, albeit worried about coming across too eager and scaring Vanitas off. He was so nervous that he felt like his heart was going to explode, but he was trying to pretend that he hadn’t been on the verge of an anxiety attack for the last 18 hours. Thank god for Xanax.

Hearing the door chime, Ventus looked over expectantly, his heart fluttering. There Vanitas was, fashionably late, looking slightly windswept and as attractive as expected. When they made eye contact, Ventus immediately felt a flush rising to his cheeks; he really didn’t understand why Vanitas flustered him so much, but the giddy feeling was nice, and it only grew as Vanitas approached.

“Nice to see you in the daylight, Ventus,” Vanitas chuckled. “Do you want something to drink?”

Ventus promptly embarrassed himself by staring and just going ‘uhhhh’, partially because he was unsure of himself and partially because he seemed to have lost all ability to speak in the face of the golden-eyed man.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you what I like,” Vanitas replied assuredly, getting up and going to the counter.

Vanitas was busy for a few minutes, conversing (hopefully not flirting, Ventus thought) with the barista and ordering, and Ventus couldn’t deny that he was checking him out the whole time. He managed to avert his eyes just as Vanitas turned around, but he couldn’t help the feeling that Vanitas knew, judging by the self-assured smirk on his face. Vanitas set the drinks down and slid into his seat before perching his chin in his hand.

“You can call me Ven, you know, not Ventus,” Ven said timidly before taking a sip of his drink. He didn’t know what it was, but it smelled good and made him feel comforted in a way. Vanitas obviously had good taste in that area, making him seem yet more perfect.

“Hmm… But why would I do that when Ventus is such a pretty name?” Vanitas replied, quirking an eyebrow and taking a sip of his drink. His aim was obviously to make Ventus squirm.

Ventus felt a blush climbing his cheeks again, which just served to make him even more embarrassed. He was going to have an awful time keeping his composure if Vanitas wouldn’t stop putting on the charm like that—not that he didn’t like it. He played with the lid of his cup before launching into small talk, trying to get over the awkwardness and slight panic he was feeling.

Talking to Vanitas was surprisingly nice and easy, and the conversation flowed well once they got started; it seemed like they had not only a physical, but also an emotional connection, pleasing Ventus greatly. Vanitas seemed to like ribbing Ventus, poking fun at him occasionally, and Ventus actually felt confident enough to snark back at him without too much fear. It was comfortable and didn’t actually feel mean which was a blessing for Ventus, given that he could be a bit sensitive at times. 

At one point in the conversation, Vanitas rested his hand on top of Ventus’s and it almost felt possessive, but Ventus liked the way it made him feel special and protected. Between gentle hand touches and legs grazing and long looks, Ventus was feeling more and more flustered and wanted to get out of public _fast._ He toyed with Vanitas’s fingers and signaled with his eyes that they should go, and Vanitas picked up the signal quickly.

* * *

The door slammed shut behind them and not more than a second later, Ventus was shoved up against it, Vanitas attacking his mouth with all of his might. Ventus loved the feeling of being overpowered by Vanitas, making him feel like something was bursting in his chest. Vanitas loved touching him, hands traveling from his face to his hips to the small of his back, feeling everything. 

After a few minutes of frantic tongues and mouths, Vanitas pulled at the hem of Ventus’s shirt, silently questioning if he could take it off. Ventus was about to say yes when his heart froze in his throat, and the anxiety hit him like a giant wall once again. There it was, the fear of _real_ intimacy.

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry,” Ventus said breathlessly, “C-can we hold off?”

Pulling back quickly, Vanitas gasped, “What? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” in a concerned, almost panicked way that Ventus wasn’t expecting, making him feel guilty for making Vanitas feel bad.

Ventus slumped on the door and rubbed his forearm. “No, it’s not you. Just… Can we just hang out tonight? Or is, um, this all you wanted…”

Vanitas cursed under his breath. “No, shit, sorry, I didn’t know if I was coming off too hard. We can do whatever you want,” he whispered, bringing his hand up to Ventus’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Ventus murmured, looking down. He felt like crying because he _did_ want this, he was _of course_ attracted to Vanitas, but his brain just couldn’t help getting in the way. 

“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for something like this,” Vanitas reassured. “This isn’t about me. Do you just… want to watch a movie and order a pizza, or something?”

Ventus nodded his affirmation and went to sit on the couch while Vanitas called the pizza place. He whispered to him to choose a movie from his DVD stand, so Ventus went to go look. There was a surprising amount of Disney movies—it seemed Vanitas wasn’t as stoic as he tries to come off—so Ventus picked Lilo and Stitch, one of his favorites. He fiddled with the TV, figuring out how to get the movie in and up without breaking it, and then went to sit on the couch just as Vanitas finished with their order.

“Pizza should be here within half an hour. Oh, nice, you picked my favorite movie!” Vanitas smiled at him as he sat down next to him, and Ventus felt his heart flutter again. He was already finding out little things about Vanitas, and it just served to make him… cuter. Like he likes warm, sweet drinks, he has a half-sister who he adores, he keeps a DVD collection instead of finding movies online, and his favorite movie is Lilo and Stitch. It was positively endearing to Ventus, who wouldn’t have expected to find this side of Vanitas at first glance.

The movie started as they waited for their pizza and although Ventus tried to pay attention, it was rather in vain as he found himself winding down the road of anxious thoughts as he bit at his thumbnail. He was used to being thrown out and discarded when he acted like this, so being treated kindly like this was a bit… unnerving. He was expecting Vanitas to get fed up with him at any second. 

With the way Ventus had become lost in himself, he missed the way Vanitas looked at him. There was something undeniably _soft_ in those eyes that could often be so hard. He didn’t notice now Vanitas pursed his lips, wishing to pull Ventus closer and kiss the top of his head, to comfort him. He settled for inching closer to Ventus and throwing both his arms over the back of the couch, imagining things that could be.

* * *

The pizza eventually came and after the movie finished, the two sat together polishing off the last few pieces.

“Um, so, I’m sorry,” Ventus started, and he quickly interrupted Vanitas to keep speaking. “I know I shouldn’t apologize, I just feel bad. See, I, um, have anxiety, and it gets bad sometimes. It’s nothing you do wrong, my brain just gets ahead of me sometimes. I understand if you w-wouldn’t want to be around me. I’m used to it.” 

Ventus started nibbling at his cuticles again, and Vanitas gently took his hands in his. “Don’t do that, you’re going to make them bleed.” Ventus opened his mouth again, and Vanitas cut him off. “Don’t apologize, either. I used to have that bad habit. Only got forcefully stopped when I got braces and physically couldn’t bite anymore,” he laughed. Ventus gave him a small smile.

“I’ve suffered from my own junk,” Vanitas sighed, a bit exasperatedly. “I know how it is to be hurt, and I would never fault you for how you react to things.”

Ventus settled for fidgeting with the seam of his pant leg. “I just can’t do a lot of the same things as everyone, and I know a lot of people just want physical stuff, and I can’t always do that.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask to see you only because I wanted to make out with you or whatever. I want to get to know _you._ If you want to get to know me.”

“I think I already have, at least a little,” Ventus smiled.

“Good. Now do you want to watch another movie?”

“Bambi.”

Vanitas laughed. “Absolutely cliché.” Ventus stuck out his tongue at him, and it felt really nice to have that off his chest. Vanitas was a bit abrasive sometimes, but Ventus felt comforted by his presence. As Vanitas came and sat back down, Ventus snuggled up against his side, impossibly happy when Vanitas rested his cheek on the top of his head and held him tightly.

* * *

Ventus eventually fell asleep, predictably exhausted by having spent a day wracked with anxiety. Vanitas wasn’t sure if he should bring him to his bed, but he felt bad leaving him on his couch since it was a shitty old thing and not the most comfortable to sleep on. As gently as possible, he picked him up bridal style and carried him into his bed, tucking him in carefully before lying down next to him. Ventus looked drained and Vanitas hated seeing how troubled he looked, even in his sleep. He smoothed out the crease furrowed between Ventus’s brows and ran a hand through his hair, which made Ventus relax a little more in his sleep.

He hoped it wasn’t creepy, but it was relaxing to be with Ventus as he slept. He got to listen to the soft, constant breathing, assuring him that Ventus was alright, and it was absolutely cheesy and cliché, but Ventus looked nothing short of an angel—his lips were pink and slightly chapped with his golden hair slightly tousled on the pillow. It hurt Vanitas’s heart to know that someone as kind as Ventus was hurting; he was so starkly different from Vanitas, but he was still able to hurt in the same way. It simply didn’t feel fair.

Vanitas turned over as gently as possible so he wouldn’t disturb Ventus. His heart itched to be closer, but he didn’t want to upset the stable balance that they had reached just in case that wasn’t okay right now with Ventus’s vulnerable state. It relieved the aching in his heart somewhat to be next to him, at least, so hopefully he would fall asleep peacefully.

“Sweet dreams… Ven.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is pretty angsty, but i'm a sucker for hurt/comfort and soft vanitas. i dunno if he's ooc, but i'm trying!

_It felt like his chest was caving in all over again. There were the jeering laughs and the shouts and the rejection all over again. He felt it flowing around his head until the floor opened up and swallowed him and he was falling, falling, falling._

Ventus woke up thrashing and crying, and all he wanted to do was bury his face in his pillow and scream and cry with how futile and _unfair_ it all felt, until he realized with shame and horror where he was as his surroundings came into focus—an unfamiliar bed and a head of mussed-up raven hair and golden eyes staring at him blearily. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to fall asleep and slept the whole night there. The tears kept falling as he desperately kept trying to stem them with his sleeves, absolutely mortified that Vanitas was seeing him like this. Freakouts like these were supposed to be reserved for inside his room in the dark where no one could ever see.

Vanitas slowly reached out to him and tentatively touched his arm, making sure it was okay; Ventus was scared, and Vanitas didn’t want to make it worse if touch was unwelcome. He felt relieved when Ventus uncovered his face and outstretched his arms, silently requesting Vanitas to hold him. Vanitas reached out and pulled him into his chest, cradling him in his arms as close as he could. This foreign act of kindness and comfort almost made Ventus burst into tears again—no one had ever done anything like this, been willing to put up with these horrible outbursts that often made no sense.

“I’m so sorry,” Ventus hiccupped, voice cracking.

“Ventus… Remember what I said about apologizing. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re here and you’re safe, you can let it all out,” Vanitas soothed, rubbing gentle circles into his back.

With these soft words, Ventus couldn’t hold it back anymore. He buried his face in Vanitas’s chest and wept, letting out all his sadness and fear and anger. He didn’t realize how long all the emotions had piled up for; he’d been lulled by what seemed to be the eye of the storm, ignoring what was brewing on the horizon in favor of pretending that everything was normal, that everything was okay. He knew he was getting Vanitas’s shirt all wet and snotty and gross, but he didn’t want to move ever again, taking solace in the strong, warm arms around him. At least Vanitas didn’t seem to mind, never pausing as he stroked Ventus’s back and hair and whispered over and over that he was okay, he was here, Vanitas wasn’t going to let anything hurt him while he was here.

* * *

Ventus didn’t know how long he had been wrapped up in Vanitas’s arms, but he was sure it was far too long. He reluctantly drew his face out of his hiding spot in Vanitas’s chest and stared up at him, trembling a little. Vanitas was staring at him too and just held him a little tighter, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

Vanitas didn’t like talking about it, but he had suffered from chronic nightmares and night terrors; he knew how this felt and how terrifying it could be. It almost frustrated him to the point of angry tears, seeing someone so full of light hurt like this. He felt like Ventus was a sympathetic crier and he definitely didn’t want to trigger him back into tears, so he settled for gripping him tightly.

“Do you need anything?” he whispered in Ventus’s ear, making sure to keep his voice low and soothing. 

Ventus gave a shaky sigh. “I think… I should go home. I’m so sorry.”

“Okay, if that’s what you need, but you don’t have to. Can you make it home okay on your own, or do you need me to take you?” Vanitas offered. He secretly wanted to prolong their time together, but he didn’t want to smother him.

Ventus shook his head. “I think I just want to go home and shower and get in my own bed. No offense.”

“None taken. Sometimes home is the best place to be.”

Ventus slowly sat up, extracting himself from Vanitas’s arms. Vanitas could’ve whined with the way it made his heart feel, but he knew that this wasn’t about what he wanted. Instead, he took Ventus by the wrist as he got up and confessed, “I’ve dealt with night terrors. You’re… never alone.” Ventus just smiled wryly and took back his hand.

Ventus hurried to gather his things and leave, but he paused at the front door before kissing Vanitas on the cheek. Vanitas was left leaning on the doorframe, watching Ventus rush off with his head down.

* * *

Ventus was trying to hold in his pathetic sniffles the whole walk home, and he barely got through the door before he crumpled to his knees as the tears began falling again, dripping softly onto his lap. He felt pathetic for crying again because he had cried _so fucking much_ already, but his body wasn’t having mercy on him today.

Once he mustered up the energy, he decided to take a shower and try to wash all the bad feelings away. With the temperature turned up to scalding, he let the water fall on his back as he contemplated what went wrong. It should have been a perfectly happy day, going on a nice date with a perfectly accommodating guy, but something had found the cracks in his psyche and wriggled their way back in, pulling him apart from the inside. Burying his face in his hands, he let the steam fill up the room until he cried himself out.

* * *

Later in the day, as Ventus finally pulled himself out of his emotional stupor, the shame and embarrassment came back. He resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall, cursing himself for being so fucking _stupid._ Vanitas acted like it was fine, but Ventus was absolutely sure he’d fucked everything up. This is what he gets for thinking that he could be okay, that he could actually manage to have a normal connection. He hated people seeing that side of him, but it would always eventually get drawn out when he got too close to people—even Terra and Aqua weren’t allowed to see that side of him—so he often held everyone at arm’s length.

Ventus truly wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. He was so ashamed that he didn’t know if he’d have the guts to message Vanitas again, let alone see his face. He wanted him _so bad,_ craving the way that Vanitas had held him so delicately, like the most precious thing. Still, Ventus was aware that things could always go bad, he could always be hurt and discarded, so maybe it was better to be alone.

* * *

Vanitas felt like the world was crashing down on his shoulders as he closed the door after Ventus. The gaping void in his chest that he usually had opened up all over again with the fear that he had done something to trigger this. He really wasn’t sure if he should text Ventus to let him know it was okay, or if he should let Ventus reach out first. He settled for laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and trying not to think too hard.

* * *

There was radio silence on Ventus’s end for about a week. Vanitas had sent a simple greeting text the day after Ventus left, but he didn’t send more upon not receiving a response – if Ventus wanted to be alone, he got the signal. His pushy side was so close to coming out, wanting to demand a response, but he had long learned how to push that down. And the wait paid off, Ventus texting him 8 days after the fact (not that Vanitas was counting or anything).

* * *

Ventus: Sorry.  
Ventus: Can we talk?

Vanitas: Of course  
Vanitas: On the phone? In person?

Ventus: In person. When can I come over?

Vanitas: Whenever today, if you’re free

Ventus: Okay.

* * *

Vanitas wasn’t sure how long he was going to have to wait, but he was slightly surprised to find Ventus at his door not 15 minutes later, out of breath and looking as if he’d run the whole way there. He went directly to the couch, bypassing Vanitas’s offer of something to drink with a shake of his head.

“I push people away because of my anxiety. Partially because I’m afraid of being hurt, partially because I’m afraid of being thrown away again. I get scared of intimacy and commitment because it’s never once ended well for me. I have a lot of baggage, and if you want to be with me, that’s something you’re gonna have to deal with. I wish you didn’t have to, it’s just… how it is.” Ventus was honestly surprised by how bold he was being. It was usually extremely difficult to talk about these things, but he felt like he could trust Vanitas implicitly in this moment, even if that may be completely stupid.

Vanitas sighed exasperatedly and ran a hand down his face, feeling his emotions come to a head. “I’m not going to get chased off by something like this. Like I said, I don’t just want to kiss you or have you or fuck you. I like you as a person, and whatever happens is just a bonus.” Vanitas continued, clenching and unclenching a fist against his knee. “I don’t ever really talk about it anymore, but I have my own shit. A fuck ton of it, and my past is always going to haunt me. I know the fear and the anxiety and the anger and the pain.”

Ventus hesitated for a moment, not wanting to cause discord, but he forced himself to continue. “One of my friends… warned me about you. And my other friend, Aqua, really doesn’t like you. Is that why?”

Vanitas sighed and roughly ran a hand through his hair. “I used to be a bad person. I could be an actual monster at times, and that’s never going to leave my conscience. I couldn’t keep my emotions in because they were all too fucking painful, so I let it all out in negativity and anger that hurt everyone else. That was how I was able to survive, once, and coping mechanisms are hard to let go of. In those kinds of times, you get caught up with the wrong people who just feed into your anger and pain and convince you the things you feel are right and justified. That’s a hard thing to shed off.

“I’m learning that I don’t have to be like that. The whole world isn’t against me, and there are people out there who will support me, but you’re the only one I’ve said this much to, besides my therapist,” Vanitas laughed morosely. He knew he was getting long-winded and rambling, but he continued. “I’m not a ticking timebomb anymore, but I still feel like I’m empty and there’s a hole in my chest.”

Ventus was slightly stunned by how candid Vanitas was being. Before, he had a wall surrounding him, but one brick had popped out, and Ventus could peek inside. Ventus put one hand over his heart and whispered, “Yeah… I feel the hole too, like it’s going to open up and consume me. It feels like something’s broken and missing, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find it.”

“There’s an old Greek myth about soulmates,” Vanitas began. “Humans were born with four arms and four legs and two faces, or even sometimes more. Zeus was afraid of their power, so he split them up to lessen the threat. Now, each human wanders the Earth, looking for their missing piece, the person who will make them complete. Some days I feel like that, wandering blindly through life and searching for the missing piece. But if other people can find theirs, I’m sure we can too, wouldn’t you agree?”

“That’s awfully profound of you,” Ventus laughed. “You kind of sound like a poet.”

“Hey, I can be smart sometimes! I’m not just a sexy man, I can be a sexy poet,” Vanitas huffed, which made Ventus laugh more. Oh, it was all the clichés in the world, but when Ventus _really_ smiled, it felt like the clouds parted and the sun shone brighter than ever before. Vanitas wanted to see it more, and he knew he’d do anything to see it again, a special smile reserved for him.

Ventus grew serious again and gestured at the air. “I just… don’t want to run out on you again. You’ve been so kind and understanding to me, and you really don’t deserve that. I’m just scared, and I don’t know if I deserve this all, so I want to make sure we’re on the same page,” Ventus mumbled, pulling his knees up towards his chest. This was the first time he had truly opened up about these feelings, and it made it feel like he’d cracked his chest cavity open and exposed his heart.

“I’m more persistent than you’d expect,” Vanitas said, grinning lightly. “If you let me, I’ll help you however you want.”

Ventus gave a small, watery smile and interlaced their fingers. Vanitas brought their hands up to his mouth and gently kissed the back of Ventus’s hand, who squeezed it in return.

In that moment, the world felt softer and kinder, and Ventus had genuine _hope_ for the first time in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more angst, vanitas version this time! someone please just give him a hug.

Vanitas and Ventus kept in communication more from that point. They texted often, although not too often, Ventus insisted, as Vanitas had demonstrated that he was utterly incompetent when it came to text conversations. They just texted each other good morning and goodnight every day and talked about their plans and checked on how the other was doing and—yeah, okay, maybe it was a lot, but Ventus didn’t want to admit how smitten he was. Unfortunately, his friends had to deal with this too, which led to Aqua, having had enough of Ventus smiling grossly at his phone, slapping the table in front of him.

“Ventus!”

He jerked up suddenly, practically jumping out of his chair, his cheeks coloring. “What? Did I do something?” He knew well that she only called him his full name when he was in trouble, and it was unfortunately happening a lot lately.

“Will you _please_ stop texting that rat?” she sighed. Ventus was less prone to letting his phone leave his hand that ever before, and the reason for it was blatantly obvious given the dreamy looks he gave his phone. He was most definitely in love, and she hated that. Of course, she wanted him to be happy, but she’d rather he be happy with someone else. There were many better choices out there—fish in the sea, and all that.

“Aqua, he’s not that bad! I don’t know why you’re so concerned, he’s never done anything bad to me.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll believe it when I see it,” she grumbled.

“Actually…” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, “you will soon. I invited him to come eat with us.” He’d been wanting them to talk and bury the hatchet so he wouldn’t have to be so worried about them interacting, and he figured it was easier to just spring this on her. If it was planned in advance, there was more of a chance of her backing out randomly.

Aqua pinched the bridge of her nose. “Are you serious? Do I really have to talk to him?”

“You can always leave, I guess,” he shrugged with the slightest trace of a pout. That was always his trump card because he was too damn lovable, and he knew it. It was like trying to scold a puppy.

“Jesus. Fine. Don’t blame me if anything goes wrong, and you owe me one, _Ventus_ ,” she hissed, and all he could do was smile sheepishly.

* * *

Around 10 minutes later, Vanitas strolled into the cafeteria, and Aqua already hated seeing his smug face. But in a rather surprising turn of events, he looked… different as he made eye contact with Ventus. His eyes had always been so sharp, but it looked like they visibly softened and a weight lifted off his shoulders. Totally gross and unwanted. When he got to the table, he plopped down in the seat next to Ventus, taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Ventus said, positively beaming.

“Ugh,” Aqua said, regretting this immediately.

After a few moments of hesitance and awkward silence, Ventus tried to nudge the others into conversation. “So… you obviously already know each other, yeah…?”

Aqua huffed. “Yeah, we do. It’s been awhile since we’ve actually interacted, though.” She really couldn’t say that time had been missed.

“Mm, yeah. I was a shithead back in high school,” Vanitas shrugged, taking a bite of his pizza. He was trying to stay casual and not snap as Aqua stared daggers at him.

“You’re still a shithead, Van,” Ventus grinned, shouldering him. Vanitas shoved him back with a sappy smile on his face, and Ventus stuck his tongue out. Aqua thought that if it wasn’t Vanitas, it would’ve been sweet enough to rot her teeth out. This version of Vanitas was completely strange and foreign; she’d never have thought that anyone would be able to act like this Vanitas without him being set off. She still didn’t trust him, though.

“Yeah, you definitely were a shithead. I distinctly remember the way him and his posse liked to pick on my boyfriend and I,” Aqua continued. She knew she was poking the bear, but she couldn’t resist. Vanitas had always managed to draw out her bad side, and she still had a deep-set grudge.

As soon as she said that, it felt like the atmosphere darkened a little. “Christ, that was, what, like 3 years ago? It’s different now. _I’m_ different now,” Vanitas growled, obviously pissed. Ventus just gulped and took Vanitas’s hand and squeezed it again, worrying about how it was going bad so quickly. He thought maybe something bad would happen, but definitely not this fast.

“Huh. People never change. I still don’t trust you, and if you hurt Ven, I’ll literally skin you alive,” Aqua snarled. She knew she was coming off way too aggressive, but she absolutely couldn’t put up with Vanitas anymore. “And you shouldn’t be so quick to anger, _Van_.”

There was a pause, then a loud noise as Vanitas roughly slapped his hands on the table, pushing his plate back as he got up abruptly. “Fuck this. Fuck you. I don’t have to care what you think about me. Have I done _anything_ to Ventus? I don’t need your fucking approval!” he nearly yelled before stalking off. He knew he was making a scene, but he despised the way people treated him like he was still a monster. He would never deny that he was horrible in the past, but he was trying his hardest to change. He didn’t want to be chained to the past, but he always was.

“Aqua, you’re awful! He didn’t even do anything!” Ventus cried out. She was his friend and he loved her, of course, but she was always too overprotective. Why did she have to be so concerned and aggressive if he was happy right now? 

Ventus grabbed his things and rushed after Vanitas, although Vanitas had already made it out the door and partially down the street, so Ventus had to actually run to catch up. He took hold of Vanitas’s wrist and pleaded, “Van, please calm down. You don’t have to listen to her.”

“What the _fuck_ do you want? It doesn’t fucking matter,” Vanitas snarled back at Ventus. The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he screwed up. Ventus’s lip started quivering as he let go of Vanitas’s wrist, and his arms fell limp at his sides.

“Why won’t you let me help you, you stupid asshole?!” Ventus yelled, tears filling his eyes and threatening to spill out.

“I don’t—I don’t fucking need help. I don’t,” Vanitas stuttered, clenching his fists and backing up.

“Vanitas… Everyone does! Stop pushing me away!”

“It’s none of your goddamn business! Leave me _alone_ ,” he hissed, turning on his heel and running away. He knew he should face what was going on, fucking deal with it like he was supposed to, but part of him this was how it always happened, no matter what. This is just how it has to be for him.

His emotions were flooding him, much too powerful; they were relentless waves beating on him and refusing to give up until they knocked him down. His most efficient, if not destructive, coping mechanism had been pain, so he stopped and punched the brick wall next to him. It was an effort to vent out his feelings, but all it resulted in was bleeding knuckles and the people around him rushing away with weird looks in their eyes. He really was _that_ guy, wasn’t he?

* * *

Before Vanitas knew it, he was home. He wasn’t sure how he got there, but there he was, standing in the entrance and trying not to hyperventilate. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing, blood dripping on the floor because his hand was torn to shit. At least he had lost it out there, rather than in here where he’d break the drywall.

“You’re bleeding,” came a soft voice from behind him. Vanitas hadn’t even heard Ventus come in, but he didn’t turn around, willing his emotions away to keep his temper under control. Becoming numb wasn’t the best solution, but it was better than causing more harm to Ventus. “Come on,” Ventus said as he gripped him by the shoulders and steered him to the bathroom. Vanitas easily let himself be led, the fight left in him draining away.

Ventus directed Vanitas to sit on the bathroom floor before rummaging through his medicine cabinets. They were somewhat bare, but he at least found rubbing alcohol and some old gauze. He sat in front of Vanitas and noticed how tightly he was clenching his fist, blood oozing out of the knuckles. Gently and carefully, Ventus took Vanitas’s bleeding fist in his hand; one by one, he started prying the stiff fingers apart.

“Will you please let me help you?” Ventus whispered. He was afraid to speak too loudly just in case something would snap.

“Why?” Vanitas asked flatly, staring unseeing at the floor. Everything was becoming too much for him to process right now.

“Because you deserve it. You mean so much to me, and you deserve help just as much as anyone else. Just as much as you think I do,” Ventus answered. This was absolutely breaking his heart, seeing Vanitas broken and raw like this.

“I—I don’t,” Vanitas shuddered, shaking his head. “I’m so fucking sorry. I—I’m just so sorry for being like this. This is all my fault, it shouldn’t be put on you.”

Ventus shushed him and finished opening his fist. Once done, he grabbed a tissue and dumped some of the rubbing alcohol on it. “This is going to sting, okay? I’m sorry,” he soothed before rubbing it on his knuckles. Vanitas flinched just the slightest bit, but he looked so numb inside that Ventus doubted it mattered. As gently as he could, he wrapped Vanitas’s fist up and secured the gauze in place.

“It’s okay to need help,” Ventus murmured, kissing Vanitas’s knuckles. Ventus knew that better than anyone, after having had Vanitas pick up his pieces one too many times. Seeing Vanitas broken like he was made his heart ache, and it felt like the chasm in his chest was opening once again. “No one is _all_ bad. We have little fragments inside us, light and dark mingling. Humans aren’t day and night, we’re… twilight. You’re never as bad as you think.”

Ventus was slightly startled as Vanitas surged forward to wrap his arms around him, burying his face in the crook of his neck and nearly sitting in his lap. Vanitas was shaking almost imperceptibly, and Ventus wrapped his arms around him and buried his nose in his hair. “I’m here. I’ll be here as long as you need me… As long as you want me,” he murmured. Vanitas began to shake harder, wracked with sobs. He despised crying and making a scene, but he allowed himself this luxury, just this once. He was hanging onto Ventus like a lifeline, scared to let go lest he be lost to his emotions.

They remained almost motionless on the floor, Vanitas crying himself out while Ventus rubbed his back in rhythmic circles. It was much the same image of Ventus’s breakdown those many weeks ago, and he was determined to help Vanitas in the same way. While his heart still ached, he felt better as he held onto him, and he hoped it did the same for Vanitas.

* * *

After what felt like ages, Vanitas spoke softly with his face still nestled on Ventus’s neck. “I’m just so angry. All the time. I explode and I hurt people. I hurt you and I’m so sorry and I—” he choked out, stopped by another sob.

“You know, I can hold my own. I’m not as fragile as people think I am. Anger is a natural part of life, a natural part of trauma. I would never blame you for that,” Ventus sighed through his nose, running a hand through Vanitas’s hair. “You can’t bury all your emotions inside, and you can’t push them all out. Healing is about finding a stable mix.”

Vanitas let out a shaky, teary sigh. “It’s just so hard to deal with them and get help. I can’t hurt anyone if I don’t let them in.”

“Yeah, but you’re hurting yourself, and that’s the person who’s most important. Do you think you can try to keep moving forward? For me?” Ventus murmured. Vanitas sat back and nodded just a little, wiping his nose and his eyes on his sleeve.

“Now, go get into bed. I’m going to take care of you, and you can’t stop me,” Ventus said, getting up and extending a hand to help Vanitas up. Vanitas didn’t want to move; he’d far rather sit on the floor and stare at the wall for hours, but he took the hand anyways and walked to his bedroom as Ventus went off to the kitchen. He was too tired to think about what Ventus was doing, falling into bed and immediately beginning to drift off to the sound of Ventus rummaging through his cabinets.

* * *

Ventus came to the room a few minutes later, crackers and mug of tea in hand. Vanitas was already fast asleep, and it brought some peace to Ventus to see him getting some rest. He leaned against the doorframe for a moment and watched Vanitas’s chest rise and fall, just soaking in the moment. Vanitas was letting him help him, and it was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know i already uploaded today but i really liked this chapter and i wanted to get it up. this rewrite is finished and i am soooo much happier with it than the first time. i hope you all enjoyed it :D

After a few minutes of watching Vanitas, Ventus crept forward and set the things on his nightstand before gently shaking Vanitas’s shoulder. “Hey, Van, wake up…” he whispered, and Vanitas simply opened one eye and groaned before reaching his arms out, wanting Ventus to get into bed. Ventus stood there and tapped his foot on the ground, not wanting to give in, when Vanitas let out a pathetic little whine. Ventus gave up and rolled his eyes and laid down, shoving Vanitas over. 

“Hi. Are you feeling better?” Ventus asked, pressing a kiss to Vanitas’s forehead. He looked better at least, not like he was going to burst into tears at any moment.

“Mm… I guess. Thank you,” Vanitas huffed. He was embarrassed that Ventus had to see him like that; he always kept up a cool and composed façade, making it easier to navigate life so that people wouldn’t approach him unless he wanted them to. Help was a foreign thing to him, and letting his guard down was physically painful at times.

Ventus smoothed down Vanitas’s hair. “Of course. You helped me, and I’ll help you.”

“You’re too sweet to me,” Vanitas whined as he moved closer and buried his face in Ventus’s chest, then saying something that was completely muffled. Ventus poked him and asked, “What was that? I’m not going to hear you if you stay there.”

Vanitas drew his head back and scowled. “It’s… embarrassing.”

“Come on, tell me! You’ve got me curious now,” Ventus laughed. Vanitas crinkled his nose and uttered three words before burying his face again.

_“I love you.”_

Ventus’s heart stopped for a moment, and his hand stilled on Vanitas’s back. “You… you do?” Vanitas refused to remove his face from his hiding place, apparently trying to burrow as deep as he could into Ventus, so all that could be seen was his ears turning bright red. Ventus just thought this was the cutest fucking thing in the universe. You’d never think of _Vanitas_ as bashful, but he kept surprising Ventus with how adorable and endearing he could be. Ventus started to giggle, rolling himself on top of Vanitas and peppering his face with kisses.

“Stop stop stop! You’re smothering me!” Vanitas laughed, covering his face to get Ventus away.

“But! I! Can’t!” Ventus said, kissing between each word. “I just… I love you too!” He felt like his grin was going to split his face open, and it felt so amazing to finally say those words that had been pressing on his heart for so long now.

Vanitas flipped Ventus off him, and Ventus flopped down on the pillows with a soft ‘oof’. “Do you really?” Vanitas whispered, propping himself on his forearms so that he could cup Ventus’s face and stroke his cheek. Ventus just nodded enthusiastically, grinning from ear to blushing ear. “Wow… I didn’t think that could happen. Not to me,” Vanitas said, biting his lip.

“Then why did you tell me if you didn’t think I’d love you, dork?” Ventus giggled.

Vanitas made a face at him. “I just felt like I had to. I need you to know how much I care about you, no matter what you feel for me. I’ll be happy even if you don’t love me, as long as I get to be by your side.”

“How could I not love you? You’re sweet and caring and you’re trying _so_ hard. I see that. I see it every day,” Ventus murmured, nuzzling Vanitas’s hand.

Vanitas sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “But… I fucked up really bad with Aqua, and I snapped at you when you didn’t deserve it. I hurt you and I made you cry. Would you really want to love someone like that, someone who can be a monster?”

“You’re _not_ a monster,” Ventus said forcefully. “Yeah, you did mess up, but so did she. You have a lot of anger, and she holds grudges to the end, and it was just a bad situation. But you’re going to apologize to each other because learning from your mistakes and making amends are a part of getting better. You know where you messed up, so you really are trying, and I forgive you. I want you to forgive yourself, too.”

“How are you so fucking good?” Vanitas whispered, “You’re just… so wonderful. I don’t deserve you and I’m so scared of hurting you again and—”

Ventus put a finger up to Vanitas’s lips. “Stop. I trust you. You need to trust me when I say that,” he said before pulling Vanitas down to him and pressing their lips together. He felt Vanitas relax against his body, winding his arms around his waist and pulling him closer for more. The kisses had heat behind them, but it didn’t feel like they were pushing for more just yet, and Ventus was grateful for that. Maybe one day he’d be ready for more, but now was simply a time to enjoy each other’s presence, enjoy that they could be peaceful and normal like this. 

There were many minutes of loving kisses, tongues in mouths and hands tangled in hair. Ventus felt truly happy, like he had a piece of him again. After god knows how long of losing themselves in each other, Ventus sat up and looked at Vanitas before flicking him firmly on his forehead.

“Hey! What was that for?” Vanitas whined, mock pout on his face.

“The tea got cold because you can’t keep it in your pants long enough, huh?” Ventus replied, grinning sappily. Vanitas was just getting cuter and cuter the more he let down his edgy façade because he really was a dork at heart.

“Hmph. I’ll have you know I am a perfectly chaste gentleman. Not that you were arguing at all,” he chuckled, then he grabbed Ventus’s face with both hands and gave him a long, slow kiss before continuing. “Can I ask you a stupid question?”

“Of course. There are no stupid questions,” Ventus smiled.

Vanitas let out a breath, obviously nervous. “So… what are we?”

Ventus started giggling all over again. “Okay, I lied, there are some stupid questions. I mean, boyfriends, I guess, if that’s what you want to be.”

“You’re so mean to me, you know. I’m the kindest man in the world and you tr—” Vanitas pouted before Ventus stopped him with another big kiss. “So, do you wanna stay here for now?” Vanitas questioned once he had freed himself from Ventus’s mouth.

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. And you did,” Ventus teased.

Vanitas made a strangled noise. “Don’t remind me. I don’t… actually want to do that ever again. It felt like I was losing a piece of my heart.”

“Me too,” Ventus sighed. “But your heart will always find its way back to you. Just like I will, if you let me.” He snuggled closer, listening to Vanitas’s heart steadily beating in his chest; it was a constant, like time ticking away and the Earth ever spinning.

As he felt their hearts beating at the same rhythm, Ventus knew that there was a reason for all this and that they could make it through. His other piece was here, and there was no reason for either of them to let go.

* * *

Vanitas sat on the couch, whining as he laced up his boots. “Do I really have to go?”

“Stop being a baby, Van. I told you that you were going to make up with her, and I intend to follow through on that promise. I will drag you kicking and screaming if I have to.”

Vanitas sighed and dragged himself up, walking over to Ventus. “Fine, but you owe me one,” he murmured, pulling Ventus closer and kissing him long and deep. Ventus lost himself in the kiss, almost letting it go further before he remembered where he was and playfully smacked Vanitas on the shoulder.

“Stop, you! Later. We have an arranged time and we’re going now,” Ventus giggled, and Vanitas groaned, following him out the door. 

They walked hand in hand to the very coffee shop where they had their first actual date (if it had been considered that). Ventus waved brightly as he saw Aqua, and Vanitas tried to school his face into what could be considered a smile. They sat down at the table, and Ventus immediately launched into it.

“So, Vanitas here has something to say,” he smiled perfectly sweetly at Aqua.

“Do I?” Vanitas muttered, which earned him a stomped foot. “Shit, fine. I’m… sorry,” he ground out. “Not just for last time, but for… everything. High school me is a far shout and lots of therapy off from who I am now, but I know I’m still gonna carry that with me forever. I reacted too angrily last time, and that was wrong.”

“That’s the sincerest I think I’ve ever heard you,” Aqua replied, one eyebrow raised in consideration. She turned her head towards Ventus and asked, “Does he make you feel happy _and_ safe?”

Ventus leaned his head on Vanitas’s shoulder. “Yeah. He makes me feel the most secure I’ve felt in a very, very long time.”

Aqua took a long sip of her drink and sighed through her nose. “Okay. I accept your apology on the grounds that you’re trying and you’re never going to stop trying.” She looked as if she had finished, and Ventus leveled a glare at her. She sighed once again and hissed out through her teeth, “And I’m sorry too. I let my grudge get in front of what was good for Ventus. I shouldn’t have judged you like that.”

Vanitas smirked, obviously pleased at this. “Thanks. I forgive you too, if not for my sake, then for Ventus’s. And… tell your stupid boyfriend that I’m sorry too.” That earned Vanitas an elbow in the side from Ventus. At least he was trying, even if it was in his own prickly way.

* * *

Ventus and Vanitas remained there some time longer, Vanitas and Aqua actually managing to have a (very stilted) conversation. Ventus was absolutely beaming by the end of their time, so excited that two of the most important people in his life weren’t at each other’s throats for once. He was swinging Vanitas’s hand and practically bouncing the whole walk home.

“What’s got you so excited?” Vanitas asked, smiling at his boyfriend as he shut the door of his apartment.

“Today was just a really good day! I’m happy!” he grinned up at Vanitas, who couldn’t resist holding him tight and kissing his forehead.

After that, the two decided to just have a night in with their typical routine—watching Disney movies (most predictably Lilo and Stitch) and ordering in. They end up sprawled across the couch, Vanitas laying on his back with Ventus on his chest, legs tangled together. Vanitas was nearly falling asleep, his hand in Ventus’s hair, when Ventus began speaking.

“You know, I’m just really happy you and Aqua were able to talk. It really means a lot to me that you’re trying,” Ventus murmured, a sappy smile on his face. “I know it’s hard for you to swallow your pride sometimes.”

Vanitas sighed, carding his fingers through Ventus’s hair. “You keep me humble. You keep me grounded, so I know what’s right and wrong. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Hey, you don’t need me. I _know_ you can be good on your own. You just needed to take your head out of your ass,” Ventus laughed, flicking Vanitas on the forehead. Vanitas simply scowled and rubbed his forehead before putting his hand back in Ventus’s hair.

“I love you so much, you know that? I’d do anything for you?” Vanitas whispered.

“I love you too, Van. This all really means the world to me,” Ventus sighed happily, adjusting himself to scoot up and give Vanitas a soft kiss. Ventus loved these soft, happy moments. Vanitas was quite bashful about intimacy, only being really affectionate when they were alone. Ventus relished in these times, getting to see the soft smiles and hear the loving utterances that were only for him.

Vanitas was impatient and deepened the kiss immediately. He switched their positions and rolled Ventus beneath him, and Ventus giggled at being manhandled in this way. Vanitas pressed their bodies flush and clenched his fingers in Ventus’s shirt, trying to bring him as close as possible as he dove into his mouth.

Ventus adored the way Vanitas kissed him; he kissed him like he was the last breath of air on Earth, as if Ventus was the antidote to everything he’d ever suffered. He knew that at the end of every day, Vanitas would be there. Vanitas with his harsh exterior and his calloused hands. Vanitas with his chapped lips and whispered declarations of love. Vanitas with his smiles against his mouth, holding him as if his life depended on it. It was always him.

When Vanitas panted, “I love you,” against his lips, it stood as more than love—it was a promise, a vow.

Ventus held his face and kissed him with all his might, answering with his own unsaid promise.

_“I know.”_

And everything was as it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it this far, why not leave kudos or a comment? :D


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